The electricity was cut off for hours.I couldn't stand the heat,so i've made up my mind to go for a walk.The wind stood still and everything around me seemed to be a blur in the very heat.My mind was wandering when my feet kept moving forward.
All of sudden,the conversation between my literature teacher and me was so clear that i remembered every details.I remembered she talked a lot about me,about my personality and my way of living.Rarely had i known a person who knew me so well like she did.She said i was like a swamp-closed,dark,dank.Sounds not very inviting i know.I myself know that i'm sad,filled with fear and often closed to new experience."What a dreary sadness not to be open .Life is full of joy and all you have to do,kid,is open your heart,give a bit then you'll reveive a lot."Can you imagine what was my expression at that time?I smiled.A smile which i was makin an effort to wear on my face.I find it impossible to act as if nothing's wrong though everything she said was totally right.I can't live a life which i always play a happy role.Being enjoyable,content even when i'm in greatly bad mood or sinking in deep sadness is not what i usually do.I don't want to play pretending.And the truth is,the unhappiness seems to follow me everywhere.
Today is the day when i don't believe in anything she's said,anything sweet,happy and worth living in this life.
Today is the day when faith in my heart just slips away.
Today is the day when i'm fucking depressed.
Why do people never forgive my mistakes and rarely remember that i've made efforts to live right and to the fullest?
28/5.
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