I eventually sent you a text message last night telling you that I would do as you wanted and move on with my life. I can now freely admit that the only reason I did this was so that I would know when you turned your mobile phone on today. The delivery report came around lunchtime and I waited but you never text me back. I pretended to myself that I didnt care but I was so hurt and angry and I promised myself that no matter what happened I would not let myself contact you again.
...
I kept myself busy all day. I treated myself to a new hair style. I went shopping for things that I didnt need and couldnt afford. I cleaned the house from top to bottom when I went home and then did the ironing. All the time my phone was in my pocket and I silently begged it to ring. It didnt. Evening came and I was in the bedroom putting away the freshly pressed laundry when our song came on the radio. I swalowed hard and tried to stop myself from breaking into uncontrolable sobs. It was no use. I lay on the bed and cried into my pillow.Then I text you again.
And then you...
I swallowed another sleeping tablet and just before sleep I asked myself how much more could I take.
I understand well the feeling when we are waiting for someone's messages. It brings sorrow and pain, sometimes craziness. I am always falling into the scare that he would feel disturbed by my messages.
ReplyDeleteGradually, I learn how to ease myself by defending that even he didn't reply, my messages gave him warmth, at least.
So don't hesitate showing your thoughts and feeling. This is beautiful, be sure.
Take your ease, dear.